


Those Eyes

by Onlymostydead



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Mentions of Team JNPR, Nora's really only mentioned tbh, Self-Harm, it really doesn't get happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 03:50:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6640273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onlymostydead/pseuds/Onlymostydead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was his fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Those Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> If you are triggered by self harm, please do not read. Please, I beg of you. Also, I am by no means condoning self harm as a coping mechanism. This is not healthy and if you have trouble with this I urge you to go to someone, it doesn't have to be a professional, and get help.

Ren shook himself awake once more, focus returning to his book.  
He had read the same line seven times now, yet he still wouldn't be able to tell you what it said.  
Only that he was tired.   
He closed the book with a defeated sigh and set it down. It could wait until morning.  
He climbed slowly into bed, dragging the covers up over him.

But sleep never comes.

He tossed and turned, flipped the pillow again and again, yet nothing seemed to work.  
An hour.  
Or had it been two?  
Even the deep breathing wasn't working.  
With a deep sigh Ren resigned himself to it.  
It was just going to be another ine of those nights.  
Pushing away the covers with some appearent strain, he decided on a shower.  
Perhaps that would help.  
Slowly he crept across the room, taking his towel and soap and sneaking to the bathroom. He turned the door handle slowly, as to be unheard.   
No one stirred.

Slowly he undressed himself, folding each article of clothing carefully. His groggy eyes are drawn by the scars, as always, suggesting escape.  
Of course, that's not really what they offer.   
Ren can remember too vividly Nora's eyes when she saw, the tears that welled up and overflowed into the crushing embrace he never thought he could escape.  
They had both been so young.  
For a while after she would vigilantly check every night for new cuts, and to make sure the old ones were healing properly.  
She would fix the bandages with such care, and hold him close after. She would never let him go, she said.   
Those gestures had been so unwanted, so unnecessary, yet every night had proved how much she cared.   
Now she trusted him.  
He wrenched his heavy eyes away from the fresh red lines and finished undressing.

The hot water pours over his body, stinging his thighs. The steam fills his throat, making every breath a difficult task.   
He only realized sleep was overtaking him when a loud clash sounded, jolting him awake.  
He had dropped the shampoo bottle.  
Attempting to blink the sleep out of his eyes, Ren picked up the bottle and turned off the spray of water.   
Perhaps now he would be able to sleep.

Inside he knew sleep wouldn't come, it would simply be one of those empty nights.  
Confirmation came as soon as he closed his eyes. In that moment any likeness to rest was long gone.  
So he waits.

And waits.

Outside the sky begins to lighten.  
Ren rubbed his dry eyes, attempting to bring back any moisture.  
It wasnt worth trying to sleep anymore.  
His movements slow and labored, he pulled himself up to his feet and straightened out the wrinkles in his clothes.  
As an afterthought he made the bed.  
They would know where he was.

At this time in the morning the roof was a place of undisturbed calm. A quiet place of escape one could rely on.  
And the view was unparalleled.  
Enjoying the said view was certainly not difficult this morning, the sky set aflame with purples, pinks, and golds.  
So he sat and waited, drawing his jacket around himself for warmth, watching the sun rise.

Sure enough, they found him on the rooftop, having finally fallen asleep.  
He pulled himself upright, tight muscles protesting. Falling asleep on the hard roof hadn't exactly been agreeable, it seemed.  
A tired groan was let out as he stood, or rather, was pulled to his feet by Nora.   
Today was going to be a long day.

School seemed to slowly sap away the entire day, taking Ren's energy with it.   
He sighed as he met his gaze in the mirror, tired eyes staring back as always.  
He slid off his pants, gingerly unwrapping the bandaging that lay underneath. 

The marks were ugly. That he knew. No one really understood. That was yet another truth learned the hard way. That it wasn't a normal reaction. A healthy reaction.

Sick.

He was sick.  
These were the words that swirled around his head as he sliced into his skin with the razor blade he kept concealed in his pocket. Each bead of blood that bubbled at the surface calmed the raging thoughts, replacing them with the wonderful cloudiness that followed. 

They may not understand, but it worked.

He could see Nora's tear filled eyes meeting his own, he could see the pain he had caused her.  
It was his fault.

He pushed those thoughts out of his head as he re-bandaged his thighs and fixed his pants.   
Not a thing out of place, the razor blade cleaned and returned to his pocket.  
Even if they saw his aura on their scrolls they would know it had been depleted during combat training.  
Perfect cover.

Perhaps someday he would have to face Nora again, he would have to face them all this time.   
Jaune, Pyrrha, and Nora, all their eyes wet, scared and confused tears rolling down their cheeks.

But not yet.

For now he would enjoy the cloudy feeling that had overtaken his mind, he would open that door and go back to them.

And they wouldn't have to know a thing.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, I really do try to write happy endings, but this one doesn't get one, apparently.
> 
> Comments are love, comments are life <3


End file.
